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June 07, 2008





My fellow Americans,

As your future president I want to thank voters of all political stripes
for their mindless support, despite my complete lack of any legislative
achievement, my pastor's ties with Louis Farrakhan and Libyan dictator
Moamar Quadafi, and my blatantly liberal voting record while I present
myself as some sort of bipartisan agent of change.

I also like how my supporters claim my youthful drug use and criminal
behavior somehow qualifies me for the presidency after 8 years of claiming
Bush's youthful drinking disqualified him. Your hypocrisy and ignorance are
beacons of hope shining over a sea of political chicanery.

I would also like to thank the Kennedys for coming out in support of me.
There's a lot of glamour behind the Kennedy name, even though JFK started
the Vietnam War, his brother Robert illegally wiretapped Martin Luther King
Jr., they both slept with Marilyn Monroe, and Teddy's negligence caused the
drowning death of a young woman. Of course, I will have nothing to do with
the Kennedy cousins, especially
Michael Skakel.

And, I'd like to thank Oprah Winfrey for her support. Her love of
meaningless, empty platitudes has been an important media force that propels
me to the
White House.

Americans should vote for me, not because of my lack of experience or
achievement, but because I make people feel good. White people who vote for
me will get much needed relief from their burden of racist guilt.

I say things that sound meaningful but don't really mean anything because
Americans are tired of things having meaning. If things have meaning, then
that means you actually have to think about them, which takes far too much

Americans are tired of thinking. It's time to shut down the brain and open
up the emotion!

So when you go to vote in November, remember, don't think. As they say in
the Nike ad, Just do it!

And do it for me.

Thanking you in advance,


Erzulie la Flambeau

Courage Brings Change !!!

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